The Number 1 Secret to Experiencing the Ultimate Marriage

Today is our 16th Anniversary.

I’m so blessed with an incredible wife.  If you know Alisha then you know I married up.  Most people agree, they like me but they love her!  I can hardly believe we get to celebrate 16 incredible years together today.  I thank God often for her & for our life together.  I don’t think we could have hardly imaged 18 years ago when we first met on the steps of Alumni at Lipscomb University the life that we have together now.  We are truly blessed.

I thought I could mention 16 different things I love about my wife since we’re celebrating 16 years of marriage together.  But I wasn’t sure I could come up with a list that long!

I mean, I love her smile.  She has the best smile.  I love to watch her open presents.  She opens every gift like you just gave her a million dollars!  I love her love for God.  She’s a wonderful example of what it looks like to love Jesus with all her heart.  I love how she loves & leads our kids.  You would be hard pressed to find a mom that’s more fun, more caring, more concerned, more in tune with her kids that Alisha.  I love that she has always loved & supported me no matter what.  She always has my back.  I love that we’re a team.  We do everything together.  I love that she loves children.  God has gifted her as a teacher & she is one of the best (in my humble opinion!).  I love that she has a hard work ethic & is always willing to do what it takes to get the job done.  I love that she still loves to get dressed up for dates, even though I hate getting dressed up for dates.  I love that she makes time to do things I like to do even when they are not the things she likes to do (I thought everyone loved hiking & camping!).  I love that she always puts others ahead of herself.  That she always works to makes things better for others.  She knows how to get places & keeps me from always getting lost.  She appreciates me & the work I do & she verbalizes that appreciation often.  She’s someone others look up to & lean on for counsel & support.  And she’s a great friend.

When I get a good list of 16 things, I’ll try to post that. 🙂

As I reflect today on our marriage & what has made it work, I thought I would share three secrets that have blessed our marriage.  Because when you say, “I do,” your not done when it comes to marriage!  I hope these will bless you too.

3 Secrets that have Blessed Our Marriage

1. Love Your Spouse Perfectly.
I know, it’s impossible to do anything perfectly.  But I do believe you should love your spouse perfectly.  Jesus said in Matthew 5.48 to “be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”  I think what Jesus was talking about there is that we are to be perfect in our love for others as God is perfect in His love toward us.  John, one of Jesus’ closest friends & followers would later say in 1 John 4.18 that “perfect love casts out fear.”  I believe when it comes to your marriage there should be no fear.  No fear of disappointment, disapproval, rejection, hurt, jealousy, selfishness, & on & on the list goes.  I know, in reality this is impossible.  We are all human & we let each other down.  But what would happen if for the most part this was true in your marriage?  What if your marriage was a safe place?  The one place in your life where you experienced the least amount of fear because of the presence of perfect love?  What if your marriage, based on the perfect love of God, reflected that perfect love one to the other?  What would that marriage look like?

2. Delete Divorce from Your Vocabulary.
The “D” word is not in our vocabulary in our home.  It’s not an option.  It’s not on the table for discussion.  We don’t joke about it.  We don’t discuss it.  We’ve committed that come what may we’re going to stick together.  Now I know there are some who have experienced this & you may have had the same commitment.  So I don’t want to belittle your situation or be naive enough to pretend that this suggestion is going to save someone’s marriage.  But, it is an attitude that we have chosen to adopt.  It’s a posture we’ve decided to take.  And I think it’s helpful for us.  Because again, we’ve taken the fear of this off the table.  It’s a part of perfect love.  I want Alisha to know she’s the one, the only one.  I’m not looking for another.  I’m not interested in a way out.  We’re committed.  We’ve deleted the “D” word from our vocabulary.

3. And the Number 1 Secret to Experiencing the Ultimate Marriage is…

Be the Incarnate Love of God to Your Spouse.

I believe this is a game changer.  We talk about Jesus being God incarnate.  That is, he put on flesh & became the tangible, physical, touchable presence of God among us.  And I believe that in marriage we are to be the incarnate love of God to our spouse.  We are to manifest His love to her, to him in tangible ways.  We should love her, love him like God loves her, like God loves him.

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Think about that for a moment.  Let that scenario play out in your mind.  What would it look like for you to love your spouse like God loves your spouse?  Now go do that!  I truly believe that in marriage this is what God is calling us to do.  He has given you to them to spend the rest of your days showing them what His love looks like in everyday ways.  So we should love… unconditionally.  We should forgive… always.  We should even lay down our lives for them as Christ laid down His love for us.  No greater love has anyone than this.

So how can you be the incarnate love of God to your spouse today?

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Bonus!  Here’s one more tip.  And it’s a practical way to apply what we’ve just talked about.  Every great marriage I’ve ever witnessed always has one thing in common:

Each person tries to out-serve the other!

This is maybe the hardest thing in marriage because we are all selfish people by nature.  But we have to learn to practice selflessness daily.  Always try to out-serve your spouse.  If you each try to out serve the other, you will have the most amazing marriage ever!  Trust me, I know!

I hope some of these ideas have been helpful!  Thank you Alisha for teaching me so much about marriage!  Happy Anniversary!  Here’s to the next 16 years!