Others Matter: The Power of Presence
How many of you have ever attended a sporting event, a concert, a recital, a half time show, or anything like that to support a kid in your life?
If you have, and I think most of us have, you know how important your presence was to that kid. How much it meant to them that you were there, that you showed up. I want you to remember the smile on their face when they saw you there to support them.
With that in mind, I want you to hear the words of this teenage boy who played high school basketball in Gainesville, TX:
“My parents came to one game but they didn’t come to the other ones because they didn’t have time.”
Another player on that same team said this,
“Usually our fan base was close to zero.”
I don’t know about you, but just about every game I’ve been to so I can watch my kids play whatever it is they’re playing, or to watch the performance, or to watch them do what they do, the stands are full of people, the seats are full, mostly of parents, grandparents, and friends who are there to watch and support their kids, their grandkids, their friends.
In fact, that’s true of games and it’s sometimes true of just practice!
Not only did the parents rarely, if ever, come to any of the games for the Gainesville boys basketball team, none of their friends came either. That’s because the other students at Gainesville Juvenile Correction Facility can’t come because they can’t get out.
One of the few perks for very good behavior is a chance to leave the prison a few times a year to play basketball.
Can you imagine being a kid on a team where no one ever came to see you play, not even your mom and dad?
That was the story for the Gainesville Tornados. That is… until they played the Vanguard Vikings basketball team in Waco, TX.
One Idea that Made a Big Difference
Two of the Vanguard players, Hudson Bradley and Ben Martinson, had an idea. They couldn’t imagine playing a game with no one cheering you on.
So before the matchup with the team from Gainesville, they asked their fans from Vanguard for a favor: To cheer for Gainesville instead.
When the Gainesville players walked onto the court, they had no idea what was happening. For the first time ever, their side of the gym was packed. They had their own cheerleaders. Fans were holding up signs cheering them on.
Half the crowd was cheering for the home team at Vanguard, the other half was cheering for the team from Gainesville. Every time a player from Gainesville scored, the crowd went wild. They had never experienced anything like that before!
After the game one of the players from Gainesville said, “When I’m an old man I’ll still be thinking about this.”
Hudson Bradley, one of the Vanguard players who helped come up with the idea said, “We all need someone to believe in us. We all need someone who knows our mistakes and loves us anyway. “
Be Kind
In 2017 the movie, “Wonder,” was released which was all about a little boy named August who was a little bit different than the other kids in his class. But August had a teacher named Mr. Browne.
Mr. Browne had a precept for his class to think about each month. In September, Mr. Browne’s precept said: “When given the choice between being right or being kind, be kind.”
On this particular day, these boys from Vanguard decided to be kind. And it made a difference for those boys from Gainesville.
We live in a world were more often than not, people want to be right.
We live in a world where the majority of the people we know are self absorbed, self centered, and self consumed. We are the center of our own little worlds and we often act like the world should revolve around us.
As far as I know there wasn’t a single adult at Vanguard Prep that had the idea to cheer for a team of inmates, that idea came from two of the teen guys.
Whenever we hear stories like this it’s a powerful reminder of the kind of difference we can make in the lives of others if we’ll just take a moment to think of others first.
More often than not, what we’re unintentionally teaching our children is to be self centered. That the world revolves around them. That they somehow have a right to be happy, to always get what they want, and that we will leverage our power and our resources to help them be happy and get what they want.
Our intentions may be pure but the outcome often produces self centered, entitled people.
The Antidote for Self-Centeredness
So how do we raise our kids to be humble and kind? To look out for the needs of others? To notice a basketball team that has never had anybody cheer for them and then to fill a gym with fans that go wild every time they score?
How do we teach our kids that others matter and that it’s important to put the needs of others first?
Interestingly, the antidote for self-centeredness lies at the center of our faith.
In his letter to the Galatians, Paul is adamant that what Jesus did at the cross changes absolutely everything forever. Now, because of the cross, there are no more dividing lines.
There is no longer division between Jew and Gentile, slave or free, male or female, we are all ONE in Christ. There are no longer Vanguard Vikings and Gainesville Tornadoes. We are all one.
Jesus has set us free from sin, yes! Absolutely. But the cross isn’t just about what we’ve been set free FROM. It’s about what we’ve been set free FOR.
Listen to what Paul says here…
“What is important is faith expressing itself in love.” – Galatians 5.6
What is important?
What matters most?
Winning! Being right all the time! Getting what I want when I want it how I want it!
Actually, NO! That’s not what matters most.
What matters most, what is most important, is FAITH EXPRESSING itself in LOVE!
What does it mean to be a Trevathan?
Have you ever asked your kids what they think it means to be a part of your family? Sometimes we’ll talk about this at our house, what it means to be a Trevathan.
There’s certain things Alisha and I want to instill in our kids. And you know how this works… whatever it is that you want to instill in your kids you have to talk about it, absolutely. But you also have to model it.
When your kids are little and start going to school you figure out real quick that they catch just about everything. They are quick to catch a cold, the flu, whatever stomach bug is going around. But kids also catch values, faith, and whatever it is that we think is most important.
You have probably heard it said that when it comes to raising kids, more is CAUGHT than TAUGHT. There’s truth in that.
Alisha and I can tell our kids what it means to be a Trevathan. But if we don’t live it out, those words have no meaning, no foundation, and no lasting impact.
John Maxwell once said, “You can teach your kids what you know but you reproduce what you are.”
So when Paul is writing to this group of early Jesus followers he wanted to remind them of what Jesus TAUGHT and also what Jesus wants to REPRODUCE in us.
For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” – Galatians 5.13-14
You may recognize those words. Those aren’t Paul’s words. Those are Jesus’ words!
Jesus taught his disciples over and over again that what is most important is loving God and loving others.
Jesus went on to say that the world would know us, His disciples, by our love, for our love.
Jesus even said this, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15.13, NIV
And then Jesus went on to model this, demonstrate this, by dying on the cross for you and for me!
Why?
Because Jesus knows something we’re still trying to figure out some 2000 years later.
Others matter.
Radical Love
In a world that drives everyone to self promotion on the one hand and self preservation on the other, it’s important for us to remember to teach our kids to put others ahead of ourselves. To take care of those who are a part of the church. To love our neighbors well. To practice hospitality.
What’s interesting is that from the very beginning of the church, Christians were known for their radical love for others.
In the third century when a plague was sweeping across the empire and people were casting out their own family members including women and children into the streets to die, it was the Christians who took in those who were sick and infected, even though it meant they would be exposed to this same plague.
When unwanted infants were left in the streets or thrown into garbage heaps, it was the Christians who rescued these children, saved them, provided for them, and raised them.
These early Christians who realized their freedom in Christ leveraged their freedom to love others.
How? By serving one another in love!
By following the teaching and example of Jesus and willingly laying down their lives for the sake of others.
This is so different from the world we live in. We live in a world where it’s every man for himself. You got to look out for #1! You do what is best for you. People are not naturally inclined to do what’s inconvenient to help someone else.
Others Matter
How do you teach your kids others matter when we’re so wrapped up in our own lives, in their lives?
Truthfully, it all comes down to this:
“If your faith doesn’t make a practical difference in your life, chances are it won’t make a difference in their lives either.” – Andy and Sandra Stanley, Parenting: Getting IT Right
I think of a kid named Ryan who was really struggling in life in a lot of ways. His parents were extremely worried about him and came to me asking what they needed to do.
At the time, I was a young youth minister. I had young kids and I really had no idea what they needed to do. But I knew enough to suggest that they do whatever was in their power to do to get Ryan to go on our summer mission trip.
Why?
First, I knew his parents loved Jesus and the church very much and I knew that they highly valued the importance of serving those in need. And I knew that if they would encourage Ryan to come with us that he would learn how important it was to them.
Second, I knew that if Ryan would come with us he would have and experience that would have the potential to change his life.
Information by itself seldom leads to transformation.
Experience changes us faster and far more often than information alone.
Creating experiences where our kids can serve others gives them the opportunity to become a follower of Jesus.
How Faith is Forged Through Experience
I’ll never forget what happened next. Ryan’s parents went all in to get their son on this mission trip. He was nervous as he could be. But he did great. About day four of the mission trip Ryan came to me. Not only did he tell me he wanted to come on this mission trip again next year, he wanted to know how he could keep serving when he got back home.
Ryan was a really good electric guitar player. I encouraged him to join our youth group band and he was awesome. He loved playing worship music and being a part of the band. Shortly after that he was baptized into Christ. Fast forward to today, he’s married, he’s an active part of his church, and plays in the worship band almost every Sunday.
You know how his parents convinced him to go on that first mission trip? They bribed him with a new TV. What Ryan really wanted in 9th grade was a new TV and his parents promised him if he would go on that first mission trip they would buy him the TV he really wanted.
So, for the price of a mission trip and a new TV, Ryan learned how important serving others in love is and he gained an experience that changed his life.
Faith is cemented in our kids when we are doing real, practical, hands on work for the benefit of others. When we give them real experiences we are more likely to help them become like Jesus.
Don’t get me wrong, not every kid that goes on a mission trip turns out like Ryan. That’s not what I’m saying. But more often than not what our kids learn from us is more caught than taught.
If what really matters most is our faith expressing itself in love, then we have to find ways teach our kids and show our kids what loving others looks like.
You see,
Faith is forged in the real experience of life.
Our faith finds tangible ways to express loving action toward others.
Maybe this week would be a good time to take some family time and instead of watching a movie or going out for pizza, find a way love those around you. Do something kind for a neighbor. Put love into action with your kids so they can learn what faith expressing itself in love looks like.
What does it mean to be a Christian?
We serve one another in love.
We choose to be kind.
Our faith expresses itself through loving action toward each other and toward our neighbors.
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