Relationships: How do you move forward? Part 1
Spring Break!
Every Spring Break our family has a tradition of going on a camping trip.
For years, we’ve done tent camping. Mostly because it’s inexpensive and the kids love it. When Alisha and I started having kids, we asked different people that we looked up to who, in our opinion, were raising incredible kids, and we asked them, “What’s one thing you did right with your kids?”
To our surprise, they all said you have to take your family camping. Now, this is not Alisha’s idea of a good time. But every year she agrees to go and our kids love it. We always make memories that will last forever. It’s just a great time to unplug from the world, from technology, get into nature, and spend quality, uninterrupted time together.
This year I decided that maybe it was time to give our Spring Break camping trip an upgrade.
Stuck!
So we rented an RV! Just a small travel trailer, nothing fancy. And everyone was so excited. We found a spot outside of Austin to stay at where we could park the RV, hook it up to electricity and water (something our tent couldn’t do), and we were living the high life.
We were having a great time until… until it was time to go home.
When we started to leave I noticed something wasn’t right. The wheels on the travel trailer were locked up. It was like the breaks were engaged and there was nothing I could do to make the breaks release so the wheels could move. I could pull the trailer, but I was literally dragging it across the camp sight. The wheels weren’t moving.
How do we move forward when we get stuck?
What happens so often in our relationships, especially the relationships that matter most, is we get stuck.
This happens in families all the time. You’ll even hear people say things like, “I’m stuck in this marriage.” Or, “We’re stuck with these kids!” Or, our family is “stuck in a rut.”
What happens when we get stuck? Just “hoping” things will change, get better, or be different isn’t a strategy to get unstuck. But a lot of us get stuck just hoping things will work out.
“Hope is not a strategy. The same broken plan with more hope will never produce a bigger impact.”
― Tony Morgan, Developing a Theology of Planning
Stuck in a Busy Cycle
Last year when the pandemic hit, when we all had to shelter in place and everything came to a stop, all the extracurricular activities ceased. School came to a hault. Our work schedules were interrupted. All our normal weekly plans were canceled.
And now, all of a sudden, everyone in the family is home at the same time eating dinner that we cooked in the kitchen together around the same table.
It took a pandemic for many of us to be able to slow down enough for that to happen!
What happens for so many of us, especially our families, is that we get stuck in a busy cycle that could be unsustainable and even detrimental to our family. To our marriage. To our kids. And to the relationships that matter most!
What’s the Plan?
The good news is that God has a plan for your life, for your marriage, for your kids, and for your family. But before we get to the plan, we have to back up and start with the foundation of your relationships.
I don’t know if you’ve ever gotten a car stuck in the mud, but the only way to get it out is to put a board or something solid under the wheel so your car can get traction and get unstuck!
In the same way, before we get to the plan God has for your relationships, we have to make sure you’ve got a solid foundation so you can get traction on the firm foundation God has for your family!
3 Foundational Truths for Every Family Moving Forward:
1// Jesus is Lord.
The Apostle Paul teaches this over and over again throughout his letters, that if Jesus isn’t your Lord, if Jesus isn’t the Lord of your life or the Lord of your family, then you may want to think about who is. Husbands, Fathers… it’s NOT your job to be the king of your life, the king of your wife, the king of your castle, the king of your kids. There is only one King. His name is Jesus. Wives, Mothers… it’s not your job to be the queen of your castle, the queen of your life, your husband, your kids. There is only one Ruler. His name is Jesus. Kids, the world does not revolve around you. You are not the center of the universe. We love you. You are important. But you are not in charge. Jesus is Lord.
If you want your family life to work the way God intended it to work, it all begins and ends with this confession and this reality – Jesus is Lord.
2// The Holy Spirit is our Helper.
For Paul, it is simply impossible to live the Christ life without the help of the Holy Spirit. Husbands, if you want to be the husband you want to be, the father you want to be, you can’t be who you want to be without the help of the Holy Spirit. Wives, if you want to be the wife you want to be, the mother you want to be, you can’t be who you want to be without the help of the Holy Spirit. Children, if you want to be the son you want to be, the daughter you want to be, if you want to raise your kids to be who they were created to be, you can’t do that without the help of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is our Helper.
3// The Church is our Village.
You’ve probably heard the saying, It takes a village to raise a child. The truth is, it takes a village to raise a child, to raise children, to protect and sustain a marriage, and to support a family. And for Paul, that village is the local church. There are people who say they want Jesus but they don’t need the church. Paul would say that’s crazy talk. Everyone needs the church because the church is the context in which relationships work best, in which the family is supported, encouraged, and sustained. The local church is our village that helps, supports, and sustains our most important relationships.
With all that in mind, the Apostle Paul lays out God’s vision for families in Ephesians 5.21-6.3. To read more about that plan, click on the next post!
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