Why Expressing Gratitude for One Another Matters
Let us be grateful
It’s November which means thanksgiving is coming! This year we’ve got family coming to our house for Thanksgiving.
Each year at Thanksgiving our family shares why we’re thankful for each other. And sometimes we’re silly but most of the time it is very meaningful to hear someone you love deeply share something about you for which they are truly grateful.
The French novelist Marcel Proust once wrote,
“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
— Marcel Proust
Dr. Martin Seligman is a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania and a leading researcher in the field of positive psychology. He tested the impact of different positive psychology interventions on 411 different people. One of their assignments was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to a person in their life who had never been properly thanked for their kindness. Participants immediately exhibited a huge increase in their happiness scores. Out of all the interventions Dr. Seligman used, this was by far the one with the greatest impact with benefits lasting up to a month!
What happens is that giving appreciation can be as good as getting it. Whenever we express gratitude for another person, not only does it bless them but it blesses us, too.
Not only does our gratitude positively affect them and change them, it positively affects us and changes us!
Ungrateful for each other?
But if that’s true, and we know that’s true… then why is it so hard to express gratitude for the people we care about the most?
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I forget to be grateful, especially for the people I love the most!
You could describe the world we live in a lot of different ways, but perhaps one way to get to the heart of the problem that is underneath most every problem is this, we are ungrateful.
And when I say we’re ungrateful I’m not suggesting that we’re ungrateful for what we have, or this country we live in, or the opportunities around us… that may be true. But more importantly too often we’re ungrateful for one another.
Why is that?
What if we showed more gratitude and appreciation for each other? Especially within the church?
Always begin with Gratitude
One of the things you’ll notice as you read through the New Testament, especially the letters that the Apostle Paul wrote, is how often he begins with gratitude for his brothers and sisters in Christ.
The Apostle Paul was incredible at expressing gratitude. And don’t miss this, he said a lot of hard things. In fact, something we often forget is that all of his letters which make up more than half of your NT are corrective letters! Every letter contains teaching and instruction about how they needed to change!
Paul said a lot of hard things that I’m sure were hard to hear for those early Christians, but he almost always began with gratitude!
In 1 Corinthians 1.4, Paul writes this to his brothers and sisters in Christ at Corinth: I always thank my God for you and for the gracious gifts he has given you, now that you belong to Christ Jesus.
In Colossians 1.3, Paul says this to his friends in the church at Colossae: We always pray for you, and we give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Thessalonians 1.2: We always thank God for all of you and pray for you constantly.
2 Thessalonians 1.3: Dear brothers and sisters, we can’t help but thank God for you, because your faith is flourishing and your love for one another is growing.
2 Timothy 1.3: Timothy, I thank God for you—the God I serve with a clear conscience, just as my ancestors did. Night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers.
Philemon 1.4: I always thank my God when I pray for you, Philemon…
Over and over and over again, the Apostle Paul not only told his brothers and sisters in Christ just how grateful he was for them, in doing so he was teaching them to be grateful for one another!
Gratitude is like a muscle, if we don’t exercise it we can’t strengthen it. That’s why the practice of gratitude is so important. And I think that’s what Paul was trying to help every church he started and worked with understand. We just don’t become grateful people, we have to practice gratitude. And in the same way exercise makes us stronger, practicing gratitude makes us more grateful.
I Give Thanks for You
Let’s go to one place Paul expresses gratitude for his brothers and sisters in Christ that I skipped over. If you have your Bible or the YouVersion Bible app, I would love for you to join me in Philippians 1.3-11.
Paul is writing this particular letter to a church he started in the city of Philippi. (Acts 16.11-15). This church began when Paul was teaching some women beside a river and one of the women, a lady named Lydia, believed the Good News about Jesus and she was baptized in that river. One of the greatest joys of my life happened in 2006 when I was in Greece, in Philippi, and I stood in that same river where Paul baptized Lydia.
Lydia was the first to believe in Jesus in Philippi, but she wasn’t the last. Others would put their faith in Jesus and be baptized and soon, a church was formed.
Now, Paul is writing a letter to them and listen to what he says and how he talks about them…
Every time I think of you…
Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. Whenever I pray, I make my requests for all of you with joy, for you have been my partners in spreading the Good News about Christ from the time you first heard it until now. And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
Can you hear the gratitude in Paul’s voice?
What would it have felt like for them to read these words, hear these words, be on the receiving end of these words of gratitude from the Apostle Paul? You know the people in this church had to be so encouraged as they heard Paul talk about them in this way.
But Paul doesn’t stop there, he continues…
God knows how much I love you…
So it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart. You share with me the special favor of God, both in my imprisonment and in defending and confirming the truth of the Good News. God knows how much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus.
God knows how much I love you…. Paul isn’t being stingy in his affection for these people. He wants them to know how much he loves them and how grateful he is for them. I can’t help but wonder, what if every church practiced gratitude the way Paul practiced gratitude? What if we wrote and spoke these words to one another today the same way Paul did in his day?
But he’s not done yet… he keeps going with his words of gratitude, love, appreciation and affection.
I pray your love will overflow…
I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God.
What really matters?
There’s certainly more than one way to answer that question, but one thing that really matters to Paul is that they love and care for one another. That they appreciate and express gratitude for one another.
Why?
Because one of the byproducts of gratitude is UNITY. And if there’s something that Paul wants for every church, it’s unity within the church produced by love and gratitude for one another.
In fact, if you keep reading this letter, you’ll see that this is precisely one of the problems Paul is going to address for this church. There is division within the church and Paul hates division within the church maybe more than anything else.
The Problem
If we fast forward to the end, in Philippians 4.1-3, Paul addresses this problem…
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stay true to the Lord. I love you and long to see you, dear friends, for you are my joy and the crown I receive for my work.
Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. And I ask you, my true partner, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News. They worked along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are written in the Book of Life.
We don’t know much about these two women, Euodia and Syntyche, but whoever they were they were leaders in the church. Paul says that they were his co-workers, co-laborers, in telling others the Good News.
Sometimes we forget that for Paul women played a very important role in the church and in ministry. You can decide what you think Paul meant when he said they were his fellow workers in telling others the Good News, but it wouldn’t be impossible to image that these two women preached the gospel along with Paul.
Paul calls Euodia and Syntyche his co-laborers, it’s the same word he used to describe Timothy and Titus, and Priscilla and Aquilla, and Epaphroditus, and Justus, and Philemon, and Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, and Luke.
Whatever leadership role they had in the church, it was important to Paul that they resolve their differences. Why? Because… the disagreement between these two women was causing division in the church and if there’s anything Paul cannot stand it is division in the church.
Division is a byproduct of disagreement.
UNITY is a byproduct of gratitude.
Paul knows that for the sake of the unity of the church they have to uproot the seeds of grumbling and complaining, of discord and disharmony, and allow the Holy Spirit to cultivate within them a true spirit of gratitude for each other. And as gratitude for one another takes root in their hearts, as they cultivate this fruit of the Spirit and see it flourish, they will become the church that fulfills the teaching of Christ… to love God and love each other.
In fact, when we love each other well, when gratitude is a part of our daily lives, what we experience is not just what it means to be the church, we experience Heaven on Earth. This is just one way we make things on Earth as they are in Heaven.
Heaven and Hell Redefined
I love the definition of hell and heaven provided by the Judaic teacher Rabbi Haim of Romshishok.
Hell: A sumptuously provisioned banquet hall full of hungry people with locked-strait elbow joints who can’t feed themselves because their unbendable arms won’t allow it.
Heaven: Everything’s the same except people are feeding each other.
You might describe Hell as the purest expression of selfishness, self centeredness, and ungratefulness.
And if that’s true, then Heaven is quite the opposite. Heaven is the purest expression of otherness, selflessness, and pure gratitude for one another.
And every time we love each other, share with others, look out for each other, help one another and express gratitude for one another, we experience a little bit of heaven on earth.
Who are you grateful for?
Who are you grateful for? When is the last time you told them how grateful you are for them?
This is so important for so many reasons, but most of all it’s important for us as a church because if we don’t love another, express gratitude for one another, and remain ONE, remain unified as one, it cripples our witness.
How will the world around us ever come to know the love of Christ if we can’t love each other? How can our community ever hear the Good News about Jesus if we’re too busy fighting amongst ourselves?
This is why Paul was so dead set against division, it destroys our opportunity to make a difference in this world.
Paul wanted the same thing for the church in Philippi that Jesus wanted for every church every where, including us here at Riverside… that we would be united by our love for God and our love for one another.
After all, remember what Jesus once said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” – Jesus, John 13.35 NIV
And I’ll tell you one way that happens. That happens through gratitude for one another.
Gratitude builds up the church, unifies the church, and strengthens our witness as a church of the grace and goodness of God!
But no one is passively grateful. Gratefulness for other people has to be intentional.
Why?
Because, relationships are hard. Sometimes we disagree. But we should never allow those disagreements to come between us and cause the kind of division that keeps us from loving one another!
Practice Gratitude
What if today you texted 3 people you’re grateful for and you told them, “I’m grateful for you. Here’s why…”
In fact, why don’t you do that right now. Let’s practice gratitude. And as we do I believe this will happen. Our gratitude for one another will build up God’s church, it will unify us as the body of Christ, and it will strengthen our witness to the world around us about the great love of God revealed in Jesus.
“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” —Marcel Proust
This week, let’s continue to practice gratitude for one another. Don’t be stingy with your praise for others. Be generous in your gratitude for one another.
Your gratitude will not only bless those you’re grateful for, it will be a blessing to you!
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