Family Matters: Begin with the End in Mind
Let’s Begin: The Question
I think I have put this off as long as humanly possible. As soon as this series on Family Matters started many of you thought I was going to start with this question. You thought I would begin here, not end here.
But this series is coming to an end today and I’ve kicked this can as far down the road as possible. The last thing I want to do is disappoint all of you who have been waiting for me to go here and ask this question.
We can’t end this series without asking this one question:
Did I do that?
I remember watching this show back in the 90’s when it was popular and Steve Urkel would always ask this question right after doing something disastrous!
His actions were always well intended, but when everything went wrong he would turn and look at the beloved Winslow family and ask, “Did I do that?”
We all have these moments, don’t we?
Something happens, something goes sideways, and we look up and realize… Oops! We didn’t mean to but… we did!
Like the time I was backing out of our driveway a few years ago in the early morning hours taking my son to a practice before school… it was so dark I couldn’t see the side of the fence by the driveway and then we heard a sound like something exploded. Except nothing exploded, I had just backed my side mirror right into the fence post and knocked it right off the side of my truck!
Did I do that?!
Or the time my daughter Emma was in the backyard jumping on the trampoline and she asked me for some water. So I went to the garage and I turned on the sprinklers. Apparently that’s not what she wanted!
Did I do that?
Sometimes it’s funny, but there are times when it’s not so funny. When we make legitimate mistakes, bad decisions, when we do things and we look up and ask the question with regret…
Did I do that?
And one day, every parent in the room is going to look at their son, their daughter, and we’re going to realize that little baby we held in our arms at the hospital, that little kid we took to ballgames, dance recitals, and all the rest, isn’t so little anymore. We’re going to look at our children and realize they’re grown adults and we’re going to ask this question:
Did I do that?
And we’ll either ask it with pride and great joy, marveling at the adult they’ve become, amazed at the human being we had a part in raising, and we’ll wonder…
How did I do that?
Or, we’ll ask it with fear and worry, concerned about the adult they’ve become, afraid that the human being we had a part in raising may not have learned the lessons that truly were most important to us but somehow didn’t get passed on and we’ll wonder…
Did I do that?
And listen, as I’ve said all along the last thing I want to do is cause anyone in the room to feel regret, shame, fear, or blame. Sometimes we do our very best and things don’t turn out the way we wish they would with our kids. I’ve seen this a hundred times.
We often quote the proverb:
Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he grows older he will not abandon it. – Proverbs 22.6
But that is just a proverb. It is generally true. It is absolutely what we want to aim for, but it doesn’t always work out that way.
Begin with the End in Mind
The good news about the great love of God is that with God, the story is never over. With God, there is always hope. With God, all things are possible and all people are redeemable.
But we want to always be asking this question: What is the goal of my parenting? What is the goal of my grand parenting? What is the goal for my relationships with the kids in my life?
What I want to suggest today as we end this series is that we need to begin with the end in mind. And when it comes to kids we all want the same thing.
We want our kids to go to Heaven!
YES!
But here’s what I want to say, and this may surprise you, but I want to challenge you to NOT make Heaven your goal.
At least, not in the way we typically make Heaven the goal and not in the way we normally define Heaven as the goal.
Maybe we should start here:
What do you think about when you think about Heaven?
My guess is most of us think about a place. We think about an eternal destination. We think about pearly gates and streets of gold.
And there’s good reason for that and I get that. We live in a broken world and we long for Heaven, a place where there are no more tears, no more pain, no more sickness, no more cancer, no more school shootings, no more wars, no more addiction, no more divorce, no more sin.
I understand. I long for that place, too. I can’t wait to be in that place.
But I wonder if we need to redefine, or at least re-envision Heaven. I wonder if we need to remember what scripture teaches us about Heaven.
1 Thessalonians is another short letter written by the Apostle Paul and most scholars agree that this is the earliest of Paul’s letters, the first one he ever wrote, and it’s the earliest Christian document written that is included in our New Testament. It was probably written around 50 CE.
I don’t know if you remember the first letter you ever wrote, or the first email you ever sent. I don’t! But when you read 1 Thessalonians you’re likely reading the first piece of Christian mail ever sent and received from an Apostle to a church!
So listen to what Paul says near the end of this letter. Because he wants to remind them to always have the end in mind.
When Jesus Returns
1 Thessalonians 4.13-18
And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back WITH HIM the believers who have died.
Why is Paul talking about what is going to happen when believers die to this group of Jesus followers living in Greece in 50 CE? It’s barely been 20 years since Jesus died and rose again and ascended to Heaven.
This church is still figuring out what it means to be a church, what Jesus taught, and how they should live. There are probably a lot of things that Paul needs to address with this young church, with these brand new Christians… but don’t miss this…
For Paul, one of the MOST IMPORTANT things for these brand new Jesus followers is for them to begin with the END in mind!
Why?
Because Paul knows, how we view the future determines how we live in the present.
What we think about when we think about Heaven is directly connected with how we live on Earth.
Paul wants these early Christians to understand that WE HAVE UNPARALLELED HOPE!
When someone dies, we grieve. Yes. Absolutely. But we do not grieve like the rest of the world grieves because of the HOPE we have in Christ!
And this is our hope… We believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back WITH HIM the believers who have died!
Before Jesus ascended to Heaven, he told his disciples that he would return! And they believed Him! (John 14.3; Acts 1.11) For Christians, this is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing to know and to believe about the future.
One day Jesus will return!
When we believe this, really believe this, every moment of the present is filled with HOPE.
The Location of Our Hope
But our HOPE isn’t in a place, our HOPE is in a person.
Paul says,
…when JESUS returns, God will bring back WITH HIM the believers who have died!
And then Paul goes on to say…
We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the believers who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words.
This HOPE of HEAVEN is for those who have died believing in Jesus, AND for those of us who are still living believing in Jesus when He returns!
Notice that for Paul, Heaven is more about a PERSON than it is a place.
Heaven is about joining Jesus, being with Jesus, being resurrected with Jesus, ascending to meet Jesus in the air, and about living with Him forever.
For Paul — this is Heaven. It’s not so much a place as it a PERSON. It’s more about a restored RELATIONSHIP than a reservation in a heavenly mansion.
This is our unparalleled hope – Unhindered relationship and eternal fellowship with Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5.9-11
For God chose to save us through our Lord Jesus Christ, not to pour out his anger on us. Christ died for us so that, whether we are dead or alive when he returns, we can live with him forever. So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.
God has given us this life to enjoy this life. Yes. But this life is a shadow of the life to come.
So Paul wants these early Christians to understand…
If we live with God now we will live with God then. This world is not our home, we are just passing through. We are citizens of Heaven.
Imagine This…
Can you imagine being in perfect and unhindered relationship with the people who mean the most to you? And with God? Forever?
This is Paul’s vision of Heaven.
I want you to imagine this scene in your mind’s eye.
It’s 100 years from now. Everything you’re worried about today, you are no longer worried about. Everything you’re going to be stressing over this week, it won’t even matter then. 100 years from now only one thing will matter…
Where you are and who you’re with.
Imagine yourself 100 years from now, opening your eyes after waking up from a great night’s sleep. You realize you slept all night with the windows in your bedroom open. You would have never done that before. It would always be too hot, or too cold, never mind your allergies! But you just had the best night of rest you’ve ever had. The temperature was perfect. The air is crisp. You can see that the sun is rising. You hear birds chirping. You smell the coffee brewing.
You’re not sure where you are, but this place feels perfect.
You look out the window to discover the most beautiful landscape you’ve ever seen. A waterfall in the distance dropping into a crystal sea. There’s a beautiful river flowing from that sea and you trace it all the way to this majestic mountain. And this mountain is not like any mountain you’ve ever seen before. There’s a cloud that covers the mountain and it’s filled with light.
As you’re fixated on the beauty before you something else catches your attention. You hear voices behind you coming from the kitchen, maybe the living room. You recognize those voices. You run out of your bedroom and you discover something almost unimaginable… It’s your parents, your grand parents, your great grand parents, and more people you think you’re related to because you see a family resemblance but you’ve never met. You see your kids, your grand kids. You realize… all of a sudden you are overwhelmed because you realize… you realize where you are.
This is Heaven.
And what makes this Heaven isn’t the place, it’s the people. It’s not the location, it’s the relationships.
You run outside with tears in your eyes because you can’t believe this is happening and as soon as you stop to catch your breath you realize you’re standing by a tree. But this tree isn’t just another tree. This tree… it’s filled with life. Every kind of fruit imaginable is growing on this tree. It’s beautiful.
And then you hear a voice calling you by name. You turn, you look, and you see someone you’ve never seen before but who you’ve always known. You embrace your Heavenly Father and it’s the best embrace you’ve ever experienced. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. And you realize where you are.
This is Heaven.
And what makes it Heaven isn’t the place, it’s a person. It’s not the location, its this relationship with your Father in Heaven.
This is what we believe. That one day Jesus will return. And because we believe what we say we believe, it changes everything. It fills every moment with hope.
Our Hope isn’t in a place, it’s with a Person.
Our Hope is Jesus.
Relationship: The Ultimate Goal of Parenting
When the goal of our parenting isn’t to get our kids to a place, but to help our kids come to know a person… When the goal of our parenting isn’t the destination of Heaven, but a relationship with our Father in Heaven, everything changes.
What do you really want when it comes to parenting?
I want a relationship with my kids. And I want my kids to have a relationship with Jesus.
So what if we parented with the relationship in mind?
What if we made our relationship with them the goal? What if we always tried to keep the doorway to the relationship open so that we could always point them toward a relationship with Jesus?
What can you do today to build up your relationship with your kids? To encourage them in their relationship with God?
Can I tell you a secret?
When Jesus looks at you, it fills his heart with such pride and joy.
I can only imagine the tears in his eyes when he turns to his Father and he asks, “Did I do that?” Did I save them? Did I heal them? Did I do that?
And the Father looks at his one and only begotten son and says, Yes. You did. You did that. You saved them. You healed them. You set them free. Well done.
And those are the same two words your Father in Heaven longs to speak over your life as well.
Well done my good and faithful servant. You did that. You loved my sons and daughters. You pointed them to me. You kept the door of relationship open.
Well done.
Welcome Home.
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