Children Imitate their Fathers
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” – Mark Twain
– Mark Twain
Raise your hand if you’ve ever had that experience!
Whether we know it or not, we all look up to our fathers in one way or another. We all become like our fathers in one way or another. Call it DNA. Maybe it’s nature. Maybe it’s nurture. But it happens.
You grow up, you promise yourself you’ll never do what he did, you’ll never say what he said, and then something happens and you do it, you say it, and immediately you think… I cannot believe those words just came out of my mouth! That’s exactly what my dad would have said. And I promised myself I would never say it!
And just like the moment when Luke Skywalker heard Darth Vader say, “Luke, I am your father,” you’re worried because you know this is generally true…
Children imitate their fathers.
Kids become like their dads.
I don’t know if your kids do this, but my kids love to imitate me. By that, I mean they love to do the worst imitation of me they can to make fun of me.
They say imitation is the highest form of flattery. I hope that’s true.
But this is what kids do.
Children imitate their fathers.
Kids become like their dads.
Mirror Image
It’s kind of like this mirror.
If I put a mirror in front of a healthy, thriving, growing tree, I’m only going to see one thing. I’m going to see the reflection of a healthy, thriving, growing tree.
If I put a mirror in front of a unhealthy, dying tree, I’m only going to see one thing. I’m going to see the reflection of an unhealthy, dying tree.
The mirror is perfectly designed to reflect what is in front of it.
It cannot reflect something that isn’t there. It can’t reflect something that is absent.
It can’t make something look better than it is. It can’t make something look worse than it is. It reflects perfectly what is in front of it.
The question we have to constantly ask ourselves, and I’m talking specifically to the dads, is this question:
What are our kids reflecting when they are reflecting us?
Do we want our kids to reflect us? To imitate us?
You Get What You Are
If this is true, that children imitate their fathers and kids become like their dads, then we have to push pause and ask the question:
Do we want our kids to become like us?
Are we the kind of person we want them to one day become. Because chances are, in one way or another, that is exactly what is going to happen.
Someone once said that when it comes to parenting, you get what you are.
And I don’t want to discourage any dad reading this today. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Being a dad is hard work. And as far as I can tell, you dad’s are doing a great job.
What I think we can all agree on is that our kids NEED US TO BE the kind of fathers they can imitate.
Children imitate their fathers.
Kids become like their dads.
So what would it take for us to become the kind of fathers that we want our kids to IMITATE?
Imitate God
This is a principle that the Apostle Paul knew something about and you see this in a letter he once wrote to a small group of Christians living in the ancient city of Ephesus. In so many ways, Paul was like a father to these new believers.
And I want you to hear what he writes towards the end of this short letter. This isn’t a parenting letter per se, but parents, I would encourage you to read it over and over again because there’s a lot of practical advice that applies directly to giving our kids deep roots and ready wings.
Listen to what Paul writes in Ephesians 5.1-2:
1 Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.
Paul understood that this principle is true:
Children imitate their fathers.
Kids become like their dads.
So he writes to these early Christians and tells them, IMITATE GOD. Because you are his children… IMITATE YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER!
In everything you do, imitate Him. And by the way, fathers, if we want our kids to become like Jesus then this is what we need to do, we need to imitate God.
If our kids are going to imitate us then this is our greatest hope, that they will imitate us as we imitate God.
What does it look like to imitate God?
Paul doesn’t leave that up to us to figure out. We don’t have to guess. He lays it out clearly and concisely in two short sentences:
2 Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.
What does it look like to imitate God? How do we do that?
Two Words: Sacrificial Love.
If you want them to be like Him, like your Heavenly Father, then you must practice sacrificial love.
If you want your kids to come to know God, love God, and follow God you must be self-sacrificing and loving.
This is the example Jesus gave and this is what it looks like to imitate God our Father.
Love isn’t just communicated it’s demonstrated.
You should absolutely tell your kids, “I love you.” Those are powerful words every kid needs to hear communicated from their father. But your love also needs to be demonstrated.
If your love is communicated but NOT demonstrated, your kids will have a hard time believing it’s true.
If your love is demonstrated but NOT communicated, they might feel loved but they also may feel confused.
4 Kinds of Love
- Silent Love: Not Communicated + Demonstrated:
- Love is shown through actions but not expressed verbally.
- Can sometimes lead to confusion or insecurity if the recipient values verbal affirmation.
- Examples include consistently doing things to make someone’s life easier or happier without expressing affection verbally.
- Empty Words: Communicated + Not Demonstrated:
- Love is expressed verbally but not supported by actions.
- Often leads to doubt and mistrust, as actions do not align with words.
- Examples include frequent “I love yous” without any action to back them up, or promises of support that are never fulfilled.
- Neglect: Not Communicated + Not Demonstrated:
- Neither verbal expressions of love nor loving actions are present.
- Typically indicates a lack of affection and care, leading to feelings of neglect and abandonment.
- Examples include ignoring someone’s needs and not making any effort to express affection or support.
- REAL Love: Communicated + Demonstrated:
- Love is both expressed through words and shown through actions.
- Leads to a deep, mutual understanding and trust.
- Examples include telling someone they are loved and showing it through actions like helping with tasks or providing support during tough times.
Greater Love
When you communicate your love and you demonstrate your love, that is a POWERFUL COMBINATION.
When Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends,” and then He went to the CROSS and literally laid down his life for you and for me, Jesus connected what he SAID to what he DID!
And his love was and is so powerful it is still having an impact 2000 years later!
When you lead with sacrificial love, when you offer yourself as a sacrifice for others, when you put others before yourself, look to their needs before you look to your needs, when you do for others what they cannot do for themselves, when your demonstrated love toward someone else costs you something, it becomes a pleasing aroma to God.
And for all you fathers, I don’t want you to miss that. In the ancient system of sacrifice, nearly every sacrifice offered to God included provision for the people.
So you sacrifice a lamb, part of it became a burnt offering, but the meat was cooked and then it became dinner for the people. Occasionally there would be a whole burnt offering where everything was offered to God, but most of the time every sacrifice included a provision for the people offering the sacrifice.
So guys, just think about this… every sacrifice was a pleasing aroma to God. Why? Think BBQ! Think Brisket! Think Green Egg. Think Pellet Grill or whatever kind of smoker you like to use!
Your self-sacrifice is like the best smell off the best slow smoker you could imagine to God.
Whenever you follow the example of Christ and demonstrate your love to others in self sacrificing ways, you smell good to God!
How did Jesus love?
He humbled himself and came from heaven to earth for us.
He provided food and drink for his friends and family.
He helped those who were hurting.
Held children who needed blessing.
He bled and died for you and me.
He told people about the love of God and He demonstrated what self-sacrificing love looks like and He calls us to live a cross shaped life after Him.
He calls us to be the manifest presence of the love of Jesus to our wives and to our kids. To find ways to daily, in every day, ordinary ways, to lay down our lives for them.
Living Different
And by the way, Paul challenges all of us, but I think this challenge is especially there for the fathers reading these words, to live differently. In the very next verses he writes:
3 Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. 4 Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are NOT for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. 5 You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.
6 Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. 7 Don’t participate in the things these people do. 8 For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! 9 For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.
In other words, it’s time to man up as men of God. To put childish things behind us. To grow up, imitate God, be men of God, and be FAITH-FULL FATHERS.
This kind of others-first, seeking the kingdom of God first, living lives full of light, walking in the light, living lives filled with the Spirit of the Living God producing fruit that comes from and by the Spirit of God… this is how we follow the example of Jesus and IMITATE God our Father.
When we look in the mirror of God’s word and try to reflect Jesus, bear the image of Jesus, this is what we want to see. This is what we want to be true of us.
And then guys, when you skip down to v25, Paul says this…
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her…
Fathers, the best thing you can do for your kids is love your wives in the same way Christ loved the church.
Let your kids see you self-sacrificing for your wife. It may be as simple as doing the dishes after dinner so she can rest. It may be as simple taking a moment to give her a kiss every time you come home or leave the house.
Sometimes we do this in big ways. But more often than not we do this in small ways over and over and over again. And when we do, as we do, we imitate God. We follow the example of Christ.
We become the manifest presence of the love of Jesus to our wives and to our kids. We become a sweet smelling offering to God our Father.
So dad’s, if I may be so bold, can I just ask you…
WHO are YOU IMITATING?
What do you see when you look into the mirror?
It’s an important question that you have to ask and answer because…
Children imitate their fathers.
Kids become like their dads.
This is a picture of me when I was just a kid. I wasn’t born in Texas but I couldn’t wait to jump into my dads cowboy boots.
That picture was taken over 40 years ago. I now wear the same size boots as my dad, but I don’t think I’ll ever fill his shoes. He’s not the perfect father, none of us are, but he’s pretty good.
The one thing he got right, and I can say this because I am his son, is that he has always tried his best to imitate God. To follow the example of Jesus. And that’s one of the main reasons I’m standing before you today, church. It’s because of him.
I promised myself over and over again when I was younger that I wouldn’t say the same things he said. But if you’re around me enough you’ll probably hear me say something like, “Even a blind squirrel finds a nut.”
Or, “there’s more than one way to skin a cat.” I don’t know why anyone would ever skin a cat, much less come up with more than one way to do it. But my dad has all these crazy sayings like, “Never look a gift horse in the mouth.”
And for whatever reason, I find myself saying the same things, too!
But it’s more than that. I find myself looking for ways to help those around me. I find myself drawn to music that brings worship to our God. I find myself deeply devoted to the scriptures. I find myself wanting to be a good husband, father, servant in God’s church, in this community, and beyond.
These are all things I learned from my father.
Follow Me as I Follow Christ
As I continue to imitate my father, I end up imitating God. As I follow his example, I end up following the example of Christ.
And my prayer is that this same thing will be true for my children, and my children’s children, as well.
My prayer is that this same thing will be true for your children, and your children’s children, as well.
Children imitate their fathers.
Kids become like their dads.
Imitate God in all you do.
Here’s my challenge for all the father’s in this room. Tell your kids you love them this week. Communicate your love. Tell them. Write it in a note. However you want to do it. Tell them you love them with your words.
Then…. show them. Demonstrate your love. Do something for them, with them, that demonstrates to them just how much you love them.
And don’t ever stop.
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