The Fear of Rejection
It’s undeniable. At the core of who we are as people is this basic human desire to be accepted. We all need it, desire it & crave it. And we’ll do almost anything to get it. We’ll change our look, the way we talk, the music we like… anything to be accepted by others.
Why?
Because the fear of rejection is so great.
We were created by God for community. But what happens when we have trouble finding that community? What happens when the fear of rejection takes over our lives?
In the movie, “We Bought a Zoo,” there’s a fantastic conversation between father & son. In it, the father says this…
“Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just, literally, 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery, & I promise you something great will come of it.”
[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmMFIganRQY[/embedyt] [Tweet ” “Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage…””]Of course, talking about being brave & actually being brave in the middle of fear are two different things. And the fear of rejection may be one of the most powerful fears we face.
The truth is, people always have a hard time dealing with rejection. But could you imagine if you faced a situation where rejection equaled death? Where if you were rejected it would literally mean the end of your life?
Enter Esther
In the Old Testament there’s an ancient story about a woman named Esther. Esther was a Jewish woman living in the kingdom of Persia. The whole story of Esther is only 10 chapters in your Bible… so if you want to hear the whole story you should check it out. It’s actually a great story. It’s full of suspense & comedy. There’s a good guy & a bad guy. A hero & a villain. Impending doom & then at the end… spoiler alert — the people are saved from certain death!
Here’s the short version of the story. The king of Persia got mad at his queen so he got rid of her. Then he had a nation wide search for a new queen. After months of searching out potential new queens, & even more months of beauty preparation, there was an American Idol type contest to pick the next queen. The only difference was that there was only one judge. The king. And when Esther was presented to the king, he choose her. The Bible says that “the king loved Esther more than any of the other young women.” Esther 2.17.
So Esther, a Jewish girl, becomes the Queen of Persia!
Now Esther had an uncle named Mordecai that sat outside the palace gates every day. Not many people knew that Esther & Mordecai were related, but they were. Mordecai had an enemy that was a higher up in the King’s administration. His name was Haman. In fact, Haman was promoted to be the most powerful man under the king himself. Wherever Haman went, people bowed down to him out of respect. Everyone that is, except Mordecai. Mordecai was a Jew & because of his belief in God he would not bow down to anyone other than God. Well this drove Haman crazy. He got so mad, in fact, that he had the king write an edict to kill all the Jews living in Persia.
When Mordecai found out about this new law written to kill all his people, he quickly got word to Esther. Now this is where the story gets serious. Mordecai wanted Esther to go before the King & ask him to change this law, to veto this edict that Haman had written & he had signed. There was only one problem. No one was allowed to approach the king unless he asked for you. If you approached the king without being summoned, you could be killed. It was a serious offense. Unless, when you approached the king, he extended his golden scepter towards you. If the king did this, then you were given the green light to approach the king & make your request.
Esther sent word back to Mordecai. She said, “If I do this, if I approach the king, I could die!” Mordecai sent word back saying either way you may die, but it may be that you’ve been placed in this position as queen “for such a time as this.” Esther 4.1-14
Esther asked Mordecai & all the Jewish people living in Persia to fast from food & water for three straight days. Can you sense how nervous, scared & worried she is about approaching the king? You know what her greatest fear was in this moment? Rejection! Ultimate rejection. The king has already done away with one queen when he was displeased with her. What would keep the king from doing the same thing again if he is displeased with Esther for approaching him without being summoned? Nothing. It’s completely within his power to reject her which would mean her certain death.
But Esther overcame her fear. She put on her royal robes & approached the king.
Do you know why?
I believe that Esther knew something that you & I need to learn. Something that, if we could get our minds around it, would change everything. You see, Esther knew who she was & whose she was. She knew that she believed in & belonged to the one true God. That in this world there’s ultimately nothing to fear. Esther faced her fear of rejection. She made a choice for God & for her people. Had she been rejected in that moment she would have faced certain death. But her story reveals what happens when we choose to live from acceptance instead of for acceptance.
[Tweet “May we live FROM acceptance instead of FOR acceptance. #Choose2Believe”]Esther knew that she was already loved & accepted by God. That she & her people belonged to God. When she went in to face the king of Persia she already had the approval & acceptance of the King of kings. Sure, she was hoping for this king to extend his scepter & accept her also in this moment. But even if he had not, she knew her fate was in the King of the universe – not the king of Persia.
Already Loved, Already Accepted
I don’t know if you’ve figured this out yet, but your God loves you exactly as you are. In fact, He can’t love you any more or any less than He does right now. He loves you. He loves you. You are loved. You didn’t earn His love, win his love, deserve His love, you are just loved. This is why the love of God is unconditional. Because its impossible for God to love you any more or less than He loves you right now. And we’ll spend the rest of our lives trying to get our hearts & minds around this singular idea: There is nothing you could ever do to make God love you less.
[Tweet “There is nothing you could ever do to make God love you less. #Choose2Believe”]I know this because Jesus died for you on the cross long before you sinned. Long before you let your friends down. Long before you messed up your marriage. Long before you disappointed your kids or embarrassed your parents. Christ didn’t die for you “on one condition.” No. Quite the opposite. He died for you because He loves you.
[Tweet “Christ didn’t die for you “on one condition.” #Choose2Believe”]You’ve been led to believe that because of something you said, something you did, something you thought, that God could never love you. As if there is any person beyond the reach of the love of God. But that simply isn’t true. You have never been more loved by God than you are right now. And if you were to appear before the King of kings today or any day, He will always extend His scepter to you. You are always welcome to enter into His presence. You never have to fear His rejection.
Someone will say, but you don’t know what I’ve done. You right, I don’t know, but He knows. And He loves you just the same. I don’t know when we’ll figure this out, but your behavior doesn’t dictate God’s love for you.
[Tweet “Your behavior doesn’t dictate God’s love for you. #Choose2Believe”]Someone will say, but if I do this or if I did that, God would reject me. Hey listen, God has given you the opportunity to love Him or not love Him. That’s your choice. That’s the choice that was made available to you at the cross. You get to take a long look at the cross of Jesus Christ & decide: Do you love Him or not. He’s never rejected you. But He loves you so much that He’s given you the choice to love Him back or reject Him. And I would argue that’s the purest form of love there is or ever will be.
[Tweet “You are already loved, you are already accepted by God. #Choose2Believe”]You are already loved & accepted by God. He’s crazy about you. And when you get your heart & mind around this, it will set you on fire! That you are already loved. You are already accepted. You don’t have to fear rejection because you have already been loved & accepted by God.
As a people belonging to God, may we live FROM acceptance, not FOR acceptance.
[Tweet “As a people belonging to God, may we live FROM acceptance, not FOR acceptance. #Choose2Believe”]
